Amidst all the seriousness of emotional abuse, I thought it'd be nice to share funny stuff for a change. My friends and I were having a discussion about a particular guy who claimed to like but played hard to get with someone we know, to the point of emotionally abusing her. And then tried his best to get her to sleep with him. While the situation wasn't funny, some of my friends came up with responses that made all of us laugh. Maybe it will make others out there laugh too!
"Is he that insecure? I mean c'mon... grow a pair!"
"What does he expect you to be? His queen in shining armour or something?"
"I think he needs to grow some HAIR on his CHEST."
"He needs help."
"He's the kind of guy you cast aside. Throw away."
"When does a guy act like that? When's he's a DICK."
"His friends really want him to get laid."
"So he basically ruined his chances with you AND all the girls you know. Good going."
"He's pathetic. I'm surprised you even gave him the time of day."
"Oh no! Poor him. So hard to be a decent human being."
"A guy who genuinely likes you and has integrity will not give a monkey's about whether or not you sleep with him. And it does not matter if it's a 6 month or one year or two year wait. He will stick around."
"He never had a decent girl's attention before you. Power corrupts."
"Manipulative, controlling AND personality disordered. I'd say he's a ticking bomb of danger."
"If he wants the honeymoon, he has to give you the courtship... which starts AFTER the first three dates. And yeah no, he's not that good. 'Cause if he was, he'd know how to be a gentleman."
"He never calls? Doesn't reply to texts within a respectable period? Doesn't arrange dates? Never offers to pay for dinner? Doesn't tell you anything about his life? Doesn't make an effort to meet your friends or make you meet his? Wants you to keep mum about all of this? And he wants sex? Haha. What does he think he's doing, blessing you with his divine presence?"
"His end goal was sex. Not you."
"He needs a mother and someone to have sex with. Not a girlfriend."
"His problem is that he wants a bimbo. And that you're not it."
"He wants a wife without a commitment? Haha."
"He was 'scarred' in the 'past'? PLEASE, we've all been 'scarred'."
"Clearly his past is more important to him than you."
"If he doesn't have the time for a girl, he can well live without one."
"He wants all the perks of a relationship without having to deal with any of the responsibility or commitment that comes with it. Who does he think he is? Someone with Brad Pitt's face and John Abraham's body?"
"I feel sorry for him. Even if he does find someone who caters to his every whim, he will never know the joy of a happy and mutually fulfilling relationship. Also, poor girl."
"If he wants a submissive housewife, he shouldn't be dating a modern woman."
"He stares other women down when he's got a gorgeous girl on his arm? It's fucking intentional — to bring down your self esteem."
"He's exactly the category of the repulsive male who will want a girl, want a girl, want a girl, and then, when he has her, will get bored with her in two days. Two. Days. Such men aren't made for love. They're only made for manipulation, obsession and perversion."
"He's bisexual."
"The world is your oyster. And he's an asshole."
"He's an asshole."
"He's an asshole."
"He's an asshole."
"I have different levels at which I classify assholes. I used to think he fell at the second. But no, he's at the top. Top level asshole + calculative bastard."
and... the best of all...
"If he ever — for even a single moment — thought that I'd hand over my daughter to someone like him, he'd have to be highly delusional."
"Is he that insecure? I mean c'mon... grow a pair!"
"What does he expect you to be? His queen in shining armour or something?"
"I think he needs to grow some HAIR on his CHEST."
"He needs help."
"He's the kind of guy you cast aside. Throw away."
"When does a guy act like that? When's he's a DICK."
"His friends really want him to get laid."
"So he basically ruined his chances with you AND all the girls you know. Good going."
"He's pathetic. I'm surprised you even gave him the time of day."
"Oh no! Poor him. So hard to be a decent human being."
"A guy who genuinely likes you and has integrity will not give a monkey's about whether or not you sleep with him. And it does not matter if it's a 6 month or one year or two year wait. He will stick around."
"He never had a decent girl's attention before you. Power corrupts."
"Manipulative, controlling AND personality disordered. I'd say he's a ticking bomb of danger."
"If he wants the honeymoon, he has to give you the courtship... which starts AFTER the first three dates. And yeah no, he's not that good. 'Cause if he was, he'd know how to be a gentleman."
"He never calls? Doesn't reply to texts within a respectable period? Doesn't arrange dates? Never offers to pay for dinner? Doesn't tell you anything about his life? Doesn't make an effort to meet your friends or make you meet his? Wants you to keep mum about all of this? And he wants sex? Haha. What does he think he's doing, blessing you with his divine presence?"
"His end goal was sex. Not you."
"He needs a mother and someone to have sex with. Not a girlfriend."
"His problem is that he wants a bimbo. And that you're not it."
"He wants a wife without a commitment? Haha."
"He was 'scarred' in the 'past'? PLEASE, we've all been 'scarred'."
"Clearly his past is more important to him than you."
"If he doesn't have the time for a girl, he can well live without one."
"He wants all the perks of a relationship without having to deal with any of the responsibility or commitment that comes with it. Who does he think he is? Someone with Brad Pitt's face and John Abraham's body?"
"I feel sorry for him. Even if he does find someone who caters to his every whim, he will never know the joy of a happy and mutually fulfilling relationship. Also, poor girl."
"If he wants a submissive housewife, he shouldn't be dating a modern woman."
"He stares other women down when he's got a gorgeous girl on his arm? It's fucking intentional — to bring down your self esteem."
"He's exactly the category of the repulsive male who will want a girl, want a girl, want a girl, and then, when he has her, will get bored with her in two days. Two. Days. Such men aren't made for love. They're only made for manipulation, obsession and perversion."
"He's bisexual."
"The world is your oyster. And he's an asshole."
"He's an asshole."
"He's an asshole."
"He's an asshole."
"I have different levels at which I classify assholes. I used to think he fell at the second. But no, he's at the top. Top level asshole + calculative bastard."
and... the best of all...
"If he ever — for even a single moment — thought that I'd hand over my daughter to someone like him, he'd have to be highly delusional."
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